April 28th, 2011
BLESS THE TORTURERS
Our valiant efforts should not cease
until we find out who’s for peace.
As patriot I have no doubt:
those peaceniks must be routed out.
Such cowards who don’t like to kill
could undermine our righteous will.
Our wars are good, and we must win
to save the wicked world from sin.
And as for torture, it’s our job
to pacify the evil mob
by any means that we can find,
and thus redeem all humankind.
Let’s pray that God in Heaven will
bless torturers who maim and kill.
IN PRAISE OF TORTURE
Dictated to me by Jonathan Swift, author of “A Modest Proposal,”
upon learning of the American Psychological Association’s position
regarding psychologists participating in torture.
I think we really should be fair
to torturers who try to care
about their evil victims who
endanger folk like me and you.
Let’s be adult and realistic:
there is a time to be sadistic.
Yes, waterboarding has its place
and it is hardly a disgrace
for colleagues who would serve our state
to torture those we love to hate.
Let’s honor our astute profession–
if we would coerce a confession
then we must use effective tools,
not be deterred by squeamish fools.
If victory is our shared goal
I’ll gladly sacrifice my soul.
I think “enhanced” means
that champagne is served,
everyone is nicely dressed,
and the conversations are quite lively.
There are free plane trips to exotic places
and a lot of attention is lavished on you.
In return not much is asked,
certainly nothing beyond your comprehension,
and you end up with the feeling
of having participated importantly in history.
Given the tedium of ordinary life
and our natural love of drama,
I’m surprised more people don’t volunteer.