Posts filed under 'Humor'

Lt. Col. David Frakt: I was an al-Qaida attorney

Lt. Col. David Frakt, JAG attorney, finally comes clean about his al-Qaida sympathies:

Confessions of a terrorist sympathizer
A volunteer attorney for Guantanamo detainees comes clean: You got me, I’m shilling for al-Qaida

By David Frakt

What you might have seen: Last Thursday night, Rachel Maddow exposed a group of al-Qaida sympathizers who had served as lawyers on behalf of Guantánamo detainees, revealing that these pro-terrorist attorneys have not only taken over the Department of Jihad (previously known as the Department of Justice) but have even infiltrated our armed forces. One of the military lawyers identified on the broadcast was Air Force Reserve Lt. Col. David Frakt, who served as a defense lawyer for Guantánamo detainees in 2008 and 2009.

What you missed : On Friday, Lt. Col. Frakt agreed to an exclusive interview with Maddow. But shortly after the interview was taped, federal agents, sporting a secret warrant from the FISA Court, forced their way onto the set and confiscated the video footage, citing national security. Fortunately, one of the technicians secretly recorded the interview on his iPhone, which is how Salon obtained the following transcript:

Maddow: Lt. Col. David Frakt is a JAG officer in the U.S. Air Force Reserve and a law professor in California. Professor Frakt, welcome back to the program.

Frakt: Happy to be here, Rachel.

Maddow: Is it true that you’re a terrorist sympathizer?

Frakt: Yes, Rachel. That’s why, in 2008, I volunteered to represent detainees at Guantánamo. The chance to actually be a U.S. government-paid spokesperson for al-Qaida under the guise of “promoting fairness, justice and the rule of law” was just too delicious an opportunity to pass up. I figured the military commissions at Guantánamo would be the perfect soapbox for me to espouse my terrorist ideology.

Maddow: And did your position as a defense counsel give you the opportunities that you were seeking?

Frakt: Not exactly, Rachel. The whole experience was a bit disappointing. Initially, things looked very positive. The first detainee I was assigned to represent, Ali Hamza al Bahlul, was a member of Osama bin Laden’s inner circle and a very committed al-Qaida member. In fact, he has been frequently referred to as the al-Qaida minister of propaganda. So, I thought I’d hit the jackpot.

Maddow: So why didn’t it work out?

Frakt: Well, sadly, Mr. al Bahlul wouldn’t cooperate. He refused to let me represent him in court or speak on his behalf. He said he didn’t trust me because I was an American military officer. In fact, he basically boycotted the proceedings and ordered me to do the same. Can you believe that?

Maddow: That must have been very frustrating for you. Didn’t you also represent another client, a juvenile?

Frakt: Yes, I did represent another young Afghan named Mohammed Jawad, but he was a big disappointment also.

Maddow: How so?

Frakt: Well, as it turned out, he wasn’t a member of al-Qaida, or even the Taliban. In fact, he wasn’t a terrorist at all. He didn’t even know any terrorists! The only real consolation with Mohammed was that the United States had tortured him, so I was able to exploit that for substantial propaganda value, but otherwise, he was a dud.

Maddow: What happened to him?

Frakt: Unfortunately, after I proved that his confession was the product of torture and that he was innocent, he was ordered released by a federal judge. I’m pretty sure she is a terrorist sympathizer as well. In fact, your viewers may be interested to learn that all the judges on the Federal District Court bench in Washington are part of one big al-Qaida sleeper cell.

Maddow: How do you know this?

Frakt: Well, it’s obvious, Rachel. What other explanation is there for the fact that they’ve granted habeas corpus petitions and ordered the release of 33 detainees out of the 44 cases they’ve heard?

Maddow: Could it be that the government didn’t have sufficient evidence?

Frakt: Don’t be naive, Rachel. They’re obviously fellow al-Qaida sympathizers. The only reason they don’t let them all go is they don’t want to blow their cover.

Maddow: I see. One final question, professor Frakt. In your previous appearances on the program, you were in uniform; why aren’t you in uniform today?

Frakt: Well, after I actually won a case at Guantánamo, the Pentagon didn’t want to give me any more cases, so I was forced to leave active duty and return to my civilian position as a law professor.

Maddow: And how is that going?

Frakt: It’s not so bad. At least in this position, I can indoctrinate the impressionable young minds of the next generation of lawyers with my pro-terrorist views, while getting paid to churn out pro-terrorism “scholarship.” Academic freedom has its advantages, although I’m obviously opposed to it for those with differing viewpoints. If I didn’t have to grade papers, this would be the perfect job. Fortunately, I have teaching assistants for that.

Maddow: Well, we appreciate your taking the time to be on our program this evening.

Frakt: Any time, Rachel. I’m always glad to have any opportunity to advance my pro-terrorist agenda.

David Frakt is a lieutenant colonel in the Air Force Reserve who has defended Guantanamo detainees Mohammed Jawad and Ali Hamza al-Bahlul in front of military commissions.

Add comment March 9th, 2010

Keep America Afraid: The Cheneys

Human Right First has two videos on the Cheney & Cheney campaign to Keep America Afraid (TMT):

Add comment March 8th, 2010

Neal Katyal on Colbert

I missed this at the time. Great. [Neal Katyal was attorney in the Hamdan case. Ge is now the Principal Deputy Solicitor General of the United States. He is one of the attorneys being smeared by Liz Cheney.]

The Colbert Report Mon – Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Neal Katyal
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor Skate Expectations

Add comment March 7th, 2010

Scoundrel Time: Rachel Maddow on the Al Qaeda Everyone

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

And then this followup:

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Add comment March 6th, 2010

Stewart: The blogs must be crazy

He doesn’t take me on :-) :

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart Mon – Thurs 11p / 10c
The Blogs Must Be Crazy
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show
Full Episodes
Political Humor Health Care Crisis

February 8th, 2010

Reply to Pat Robertson

Pat Robertson recently blamed the Haitian earthquake on a pact with Satan by the Haitian people, prompting this reply in the Minneapolis StarTribune:

Dear Pat Robertson,

I know that you know that all press is good press, so I appreciate the shout-out. And you make God look like a big mean bully who kicks people when they are down, so I’m all over that action. But when you say that Haiti has made a pact with me, it is totally humiliating. I may be evil incarnate, but I’m no welcher.

The way you put it, making a deal with me leaves folks desperate and impoverished. Sure, in the afterlife, but when I strike bargains with people, they first get something here on earth — glamour, beauty, talent, wealth, fame, glory, a golden fiddle. Those Haitians have nothing, and I mean nothing. And that was before the earthquake.

Haven’t you seen “Crossroads”? Or “Damn Yankees”? If I had a thing going with Haiti, there’d be lots of banks, skyscrapers, SUVs, exclusive night clubs, Botox — that kind of thing. An 80 percent poverty rate is so not my style. Nothing against it — I’m just saying: Not how I roll.

You’re doing great work, Pat, and I don’t want to clip your wings — just, come on, you’re making me look bad. And not the good kind of bad. Keep blaming God. That’s working. But leave me out of it, please. Or we may need to renegotiate your own contract.

Best, Satan

[H/t Effect Measure.]

January 31st, 2010

Charlie Brookers: How To Report The News

Charlie Brookers explains:

How true!

[H/t AMERICAblog.]

January 30th, 2010

Colbert explains Citizens United decision

The Colbert Report Mon – Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
The Word – Prece-Don’t
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor Economy

January 29th, 2010

Murray Hill Inc. running for Congress

In a major advance in corporate rights, Murray Hill Inc. announced that they are bypassing corrupt middlemen [and women] and running for Congress directly. With their new slogan, “putting people second, or even third” they are signally advancing their rights:

News Release
Supreme Court Ruling Spurs Corporation Run for Congress

January 27, 2010

ERIC HENSAL
WILLIAM KLEIN
Following the recent Supreme Court ruling in Citizens United v. Federal Election Commission to allow unlimited corporate funding of federal campaigns, Murray Hill Inc. today announced it is filing to run for U.S. Congress. “Until now,” Murray Hill Inc. said in a statement, “corporate interests had to rely on campaign contributions and influence-peddling to achieve their goals in Washington. But thanks to an enlightened Supreme Court, now we can eliminate the middle-man and run for office ourselves.” Murray Hill Inc. is believed to be the first “corporate person” to exercise its constitutional right to run for office.

“The strength of America,” Murray Hill Inc. said, “is in the boardrooms, country clubs and Lear jets of America’s great corporations. We’re saying to Wal-Mart, AIG and Pfizer, if not you, who? If not now, when?” Murray Hill Inc. added: “It’s our democracy. We bought it, we paid for it, and we’re going to keep it.” Murray Hill Inc., a diversifying corporation in the Washington, D.C. area, has long held an interest in politics and sees corporate candidacy as an “emerging new market.”

The campaign’s “designated human,” Eric Hensal, will help the corporation conform to “antiquated, human only” procedures and sign the necessary voter registration and candidacy paperwork. Hensal is excited by this new opportunity: “We want to get in on the ground floor of the democracy market before the whole store is bought by China.” Murray Hill Inc. plans on filing to run in the Republican primary in Maryland’s 8th Congressional District.

Campaign manager William Klein promises an aggressive, historic campaign that “puts people second” or “even third.” “The business of America is business, as we all know,” Klein says. “But now, it’s the business of democracy too.” Klein plans to use automated robo-calls, “Astroturf” lobbying and “computer-generated avatars” to get out the vote. Added Hensal: “This is the next frontier of civil rights.”

See the just-released video ad.

JOHN BONIFAZ
“The U.S. Supreme Court’s ruling in Citizens United v. FEC is an attack on our democracy,” says Bonifaz, legal director of Voter Action and director of FreeSpeechForPeople.org, a new campaign launched in response to the ruling. “In wrongly assigning First Amendment protections to corporations, the Supreme Court has now unleashed a torrent of corporate money in our political process unmatched by any campaign expenditure totals in U.S. history. This ruling demands a constitutional amendment response to reclaim the First Amendment and defend our democracy.

“While some may say it is absurd to think that a corporation would run for public office, the real fiction can be found in the Court’s ruling treating corporations as persons under the First Amendment. It is time to restore the First Amendment to its original purpose: to protect people, not corporations.”

For more information, contact at the Institute for Public Accuracy:
Sam Husseini, (202) 347-0020; or David Zupan, (541) 484-9167

January 28th, 2010

How the internet works

I’ve been busy getting a research grant finished and submitted. Hence no postings the last few days. But it went in yesterday, so I’ll start to exist again soon, just as soon as I catch up on everything else I haven’t done the last few weeks. [For those not familiar with the research world, it is frequently considered a miracle if someone finishing a grant remembers how to utter any sounds not connected with the grant during the final days before submission. Then begins the painful wait to find out if the suffering was worth it.]

In the meantime, here’s an explanation of how the internet works:

1 comment January 16th, 2010

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