The Empire Strikes Barack
Add comment May 4th, 2008
Posts filed under 'Humor'
The Daily Show on the Torture Committee, aka People for the Ethical Treatment of Nobody
John Stewart gets it: President Bush Absent From His Own Itty Bitty Torture Committee
Add comment April 16th, 2008
Phil Ochs: Love Me, I’m a Liberal — Two takes
Two contemporary interpretations of the Phil Ochs classic, one the Ochs version with contemporary video:
And Dick Scary/Jello Biafra take that updates the lyrics and the interpretation. A must watch!
I have to say that Obama gets an undeserved pass here. When he wins will see more satire of his cautious pro-corporate policies, I’m sure.
1 comment April 2nd, 2008
Mike Huckabee’s Message to Iowa
A little late, but better late than never:
Add comment January 10th, 2008
How the Iowa caucases work: An irreverent view
Thanks to 23-6 News, we can now red the latest communique from the Iowa Elections Board, explaining how tonight’s caucuses work:
The Iowa caucus: Insignificant, yet overly complicated
Everybody knows the Iowa caucus is the first major event of each party’s presidential nomination process. Everybody knows the results often determine which candidates remain in the race and which ones will carpool with Dennis Kucinich back to Washington. But nobody really knows exactly how the Iowa caucus works.
Do Iowans count up ballots to choose a candidate like most civilized states? No. Do they have some sort of electoral college system? Not really. Are the voting procedures similar to those portrayed in the adult film classic “Iowa Cock-us”? Sort of. Is there really an adult film called “Iowa Cock-us”? There oughta be.
Apparently, even some Iowans are confused as to how their own crazy system works. 23/6 obtained a memo, sent earlier this week by the Iowa Elections Board to each of the state’s 1784 precincts. Follow these guidelines, and your precinct’s caucus will be well on its way toward nominating top tier candidates like Walter Mondale and Edmund Muskie.
OFFICIAL IOWA CAUCUS PROCEDURES
January 2008Dear Iowa Precinct Chairperson,
In just a few short days, you will orchestrate one of the 1784 “gatherings of neighbors” that first chooses the next nominees for President of the United States. Iowa takes its role as America’s electoral cherry-popper quite seriously, so please adhere strictly to the following guidelines.
Your first duty is deciding where to hold your precinct’s caucus. Common locations include public schools, town halls and church basements, but don’t let that dissuade you from choosing more “out of the box” sites such as hospital delivery rooms, the back of a moving U-Haul truck, or one of those human-sized cages you see go-go dancers gyrating inside.
Next, you must ensure all voters in your caucus meet state specifications. Each participant must be a registered Republican or Democrat who can prove residency in Iowa. 17-year-olds are allowed, provided they will turn 18 by the date of the general election. But seriously, do you really want 17-year-olds at your caucus with their baggy dungarees and booming rap-pods? While it is illegal to deny them entry to your caucus, there is no rule against reminding them of all the degrading reality TV shows they will be missing if they choose to stay.
Your caucus must begin at 6:30 p.m. sharp on Thursday, January 3. All attendees must line up to register between 6:30 p.m. and 7 p.m. Standard Iowa line-waiting etiquette applies, including “no cut-sies” and “no saving spots.” “Back-cuts” are allowed provided a majority of those waiting in line agree.
If your caucus is Republican, candidate preference is conducted via a simple straw vote. However, if your precinct elects only one delegate, it should be by majority vote through a paper ballot. If the majority of caucus attendees are male, then the type of paper used in the paper ballot should be something cheaply available at Staples or another nearby office supply retailer. If the majority is female, then the ballot should be made of some overpriced textured card stock only found at froofy specialty stationary stores. If there is an equal amount of each gender, then all participants should form a circle and use a black sharpie to write their choice on the back of the shirt being worn by the person in front of them.
If your caucus is Democratic, you might want to take a quick belt of Scotch because things are about to get complicated. Participants should indicate their support for a particular candidate by forming a “preference group,” which entails standing together in a designated area of the caucus site. For example, if your caucus is being held in a video store, all supporters of Barack Obama could gather near the “New Releases” section and all supporters of Mike Gravel could gather near the “No Chance in Hell” section.
But wait, we’re not done. Once preference groups are established, a “viability threshold” must be determined. If a candidate’s preference group is comprised of less than 15% of the total votes, that candidate is temporarily eliminated and a second round of voting is held. Supporters of non-viable candidates may now join a viable candidate’s preference group, join another non-viable candidate group to possibly make it viable, or join other supporters of non-viable candidates to form an uncommitted group. If any given group still fails to meet the 15% requirement, then each voter in that group must blindfold themselves and attempt to sculpt a block of clay into a likeness of their preferred candidate’s head. The most accurate-looking five heads are then stacked into a totem pole and covered in gasoline to be torched on the front steps of the caucus site as a visible symbol to Democratic party helicopters that this is going to be a long night and several pizzas must be airlifted in to sustain voters as they continue marching back and forth between different corners of the room. Democratic caucuses often last for weeks, with at least one known caucus from the 2004 election still in progress. Dick Gephardt currently holds a slim lead.
Good luck, and may Iowa-style democracy continue choosing the leader of the free world!
Sincerely,
The Iowa Elections Board.
Add comment January 3rd, 2008
Chinese Food On Christmas
For those feeling left out:
For the sheet music, mp3, or ring tone, go to brandonwalkermusic.com
Happy Holidays!
And now, a word from the writer . . .
A number of people have expressed their discontent with the way Jews are portrayed in some of the scenes in this video. To these people I say, the music video for ‘Chinese Food On Christmas’ is a satire. It employs outrageous scenarios, such as a car full of Jews slamming on the brakes to pick up a coin, to show just how silly and ridiculous our stereotypes can be. Jews are one of the most charitable cultural groups in the world, and anyone who takes any time to look into these stereotypes will realize that they are simply untrue.
Add comment December 31st, 2007
A World Without Writers?
What would the movies be like without writers?
[h/t Escahaton.]
1 comment November 18th, 2007
Daily Show: On “Not Torture”
Must watch. The Daily Show discusses the Torture 2.0 memos.
STEWART: How is fake drowning, sleep deprivation, how isn’t that torture?
OLIVER: That is not torture.
STEWART: Why?
OLIVER: Because we don’t torture.
STEWART: Meaning we don’t do those things?
OLIVER: No, no. Meaning if we do do those things, they must not be torture.
Watchers of the American Psychological Association will certainly appreciate the creative use of words, as the APA celebrates yet another anti-torture resolution that, just accidentally, appears to allow torture.
Watch at Crooks and Liars. [Unfotunately, the Windows Media version didn't work for me but the Quicktime did.]
Add comment October 9th, 2007
How Does Torture Make You Feel?
[Reduced by 1/3rd. Load original here.]
My psychoanalytic and clinical colleagues are justifiably upset that this reinforces stereotypes about psychoanalysis and clinical work, whereas it is the APA leadership that is promoting objectionable positions keeping psychologists in the interrogations business.
Nonetheless, I think that anything that points out the contradiction between the supposed “helping profession” self-concept of psychology and its documented role in developing, implementing, and promoting techniques of torture and abuse is useful. Its time for psychology as a profession to take an unambiguous to “sever the connection between healers and tormentors once and for all,” as the ACLU said in its August 17, 2007 letter to the APA.
Add comment September 3rd, 2007
Steven Miles on The Decider’s CIA “enhanced techniques”
Bioethicist Steven Miles has obtained and sent me The Decider’s personally-annotated copy of selected portions of last Friday’s Executive Order reauthorizing the CIA’s abuse regime:
Annotated Sections of President Bush-Cheney’s Ultra New Executive Order on CIA Interrogation
Steven Miles, MD. Author of Oath Betrayed: Torture, Medical Complicity, and the War on Terror.
=========================
Bush’s Executive [I'm the decider] Order Friday, July 20, 2007; 3:59 PM
INTERPRETATION OF THE GENEVA CONVENTIONS COMMON ARTICLE 3 AS APPLIED TO A PROGRAM OF DETENTION AND INTERROGATION OPERATED BY THE CENTRAL INTELLIGENCE AGENCY
[Note: The Geneva Conventions state: "No physical or mental torture, nor any other form of coercion, may be inflicted on prisoners of war to secure from them information of any kind whatever. Prisoners of war who refuse to answer may not be threatened, insulted, or exposed to any unpleasant or disadvantageous treatment of any kind." but that is Article 17 so forget it.]
The Military Commissions Act defines certain prohibitions of Common Article 3 for United States law, and it reaffirms and reinforces the authority of the President to interpret the meaning and application of the Geneva Conventions. [
[Note: Article X of the Geneva Conventions can kiss off, "No derogation from the preceding provisions shall be made by special agreements"]
[Note: Article VII: says "Prisoners of war may in no circumstances renounce in part or in entirety the rights secured to them by the present Convention, and by the special agreements referred to in the foregoing Article, if such there be." however the Military Commissions Act says:
"(a) IN GENERAL.—No person may invoke the Geneva Conventions or any protocols thereto in any habeas corpus or other civil action or proceeding to which the United States, or a current or former officer, employee, member of the Armed Forces, or other agent of the United States is a party as a source of rights in any court of the United States or its States or territories. ... <
3) INTERPRETATION BY THE PRESIDENT.— (A) As provided by the Constitution and by this section, the President has the authority for the United States to interpret the meaning and application of the Geneva Conventions and to promulgate higher standards and administrative regulations for violations of treaty obligations which are not grave breaches of the Geneva Conventions. (B) The President shall issue interpretations described by subparagraph (A) by Executive Order published in the Federal Register. (C) Any Executive Order published under this paragraph shall be authoritative (except as to grave breaches of common Article 3) as a matter of United States law, in the same manner as other administrative regulations. ---so like I said, I AM THE DECIDER.]
(c) “Cruel, inhuman, or degrading treatment or punishment” means the cruel, unusual, and inhumane treatment or punishment prohibited by the Fifth, Eighth, and Fourteenth Amendments to the Constitution of the United States.
[Note: "Amendment V: No person shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law;" ugh except evildoers, as defined by me or my staff, witnessing against self is OK in off-shore facilities and coerced testimony obtained without a lawyer present does not mean compelled--I am the decider.]
[Note: "Amendment VIII: Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted." No bail at all is not excessive, so sayeth DECIDER."]
[Note: Amendment XIV: The XIV amendment deals powers of states and the rights of citizens--it is really irrelevant to this whole deal but Dick said that 3 amendments looked more American than two, THE DECIDER."
I hereby determine that Common Article 3 shall apply to a program of detention and interrogation operated by the Central Intelligence Agency as set forth in this section.
[Note: Noting that the other hundred or so articles in the four Geneva Conventions do not apply, it is specifically OK for the CIA to continue its program of extraordinary renditions because this is only addressed in article 49 of the 4th conventions, "Individual or mass forcible transfers, as well as deportations of protected persons from occupied territory to the territory of the Occupying Power or to that of any other country, occupied or not, are prohibited, regardless of their motive." Kidnapping and being dropped in Uzbekistan is not in and of itself cruel, nor is it all that unusual, lots of people go to Uzbekistan. The CIA is not responsible for protecting such tourists. --TD. ]
GEORGE W. BUSH
THE WHITE HOUSE,
July 20, 2007.
Add comment July 22nd, 2007