Al-Qaeda Weighs in on the November Elections
From: Osama bin Laden
To: Ayman al-Zawahri
[Intercepted by a CIA listening post]
Salaam aleikum: blessings and peace be upon you! Keep up the good work!
Many of you have asked what our attitude should be toward the elections in the United States. This is “in the bag,” as they say in America! First of all, don’t worry. Even if we say nothing, we’ve already spooked the US government into passing laws like the Patriot Act that make all Americans suspicious and afraid of one another. Of course we must keep on attacking them, to keep up our own morale and not become complacent. But we’ve already won the so-called “War on Terror.” They are already doing what we want without our needing to lift a finger.
Second, the American invasion and occupation of Iraq have been a godsend to us that we could never have imagined. Think of it! They had us surrounded in Afghanistan. When our friends in the Pakistani Secret Service airlifted hundreds of our top people out, and helped you and me to escape over the mountains, Bush knew about it but did nothing. I suppose he needed the threat of another attack to consolidate his own power, since his election was illegitimate to begin with.
But I never expected him to invade and occupy Iraq. This was a dream come true. Saddam was wholly secular in his attitude, given to drinking and carousing, and rightly understood our hostility to the Saudi government to be directed against his own regime as well. He was also indebted to the Americans for many years and acquired chemical and biological weapons from the governments of Reagan and Bush’s own father, in both of which Powell, Cheney, and Rumsfeld also served. Even when the Americans turned on him and drove him out of Kuwait, he continued to obstruct our efforts and refused to collaborate on any level for as long as he remained in power, and until his capture.
Now we have a base there like no other. Most of the population is ready to rise up against the American occupation, even the Kurdish and Shiite dogs we will have to deal with later. Muslims from all over Africa and Asia flock to our standard to teach the Americans a lesson they will never forget. Their global reach and Christian fundamental-ist mentality make them ideal recruiters for our worldwide Islamic jihad. The crusader Bush is our perfect enemy, the crystallization of everything we hate. We need each other.
The American people hate us so much that if we say we favor one thing, they will rush to do the opposite. This gves us tremendous leverage over the elections. I know nothing of Kerry, but it doesn’t get any better than we have now with Bush. Our message and our recruitment will both be sustained by his victory. So tell everyone that we’re for Kerry, carry out more attacks, and let a few bombers be seized and interrogated. In this way we can do our part to see that Bush gets re-elected for four more years.
In the name of the most blessed and merciful,